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When somebody else's parade is about to run you over, just get in front and pretend it's yours.

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   24 Apr98

Asset/Liability Management ALM
Neither a borrower nor a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. 
Shakespeare, William (Hamlet) 
If you (Banesto) are the least well-capitalised bank amongst your peers, and there have been controversies, it is clear that you derive competitive advantage from putting the issue to rest once and for all. You become the master of your own destiny. -
Mendoza Roberto, J P Morgan (Financial Times)
Capital Markets
There are six great powers in Europe: England, France, Prussia, Austria, Russia and Baring Brothers. 
Richelieu, Duc de 
 Commercial Banking
A banker and treasurer spy a dog for sale in a pet shop. The banker buys it for $5 and then sells it to the treasurer for $10. A few days later the banker wants it back, so he bids $20. The dog changes hands until the banker buys it for $1m. The dog escapes and is killed by a car. The treasurer is furious: 'Couldn't you have been more careful? Don't you realise how much we were making on that dog?'. 
Rotberg, Eugene; treasurer, World Bank
24Apr98 The industry will always find a way around the preclusions of regulation.
Fisher John, Bank One
After 70 years of ad-lib material, I'm speechless.
Hope, Bob; honorary knight
When somebody else's parade is about to run you over, just get in front and pretend it's yours.
Fisher, John; ceo Bank One
Implied volatility. It is like predicting whether it will rain today by counting how many people are carrying umbrellas to work in the morning.
Luskin Donald L.
I am not a Euro-sceptic. I have been a Europhile all my life. But I am an EMU sceptic. 
Taylor, Martin; ceo Barclays Bank
Emerging Markets 
Those who drink a 50,000-baht bottle should shift to a 500-baht bottle to reduce the trade gap.
Banharn, Silpaarcha; Thai Prime Minister urging his countrymen to drink cheaper wine to help combat the trade deficit.
When I first came to banking, I was surprised to learn that the New York state banking laws requires every bank officer to take a week's vacation. I thought it was the silliest thing until I saw that's when half these guys are caught. They go on vacation, a piece of mail comes in and it all starts coming apart.
McDavid, William H; counsel, Chemical Banking Corporation
There is a reason market people are paid so much - the price of a soul is expensive
Stiles, Paul; former Merrill Lynch employee & author of Riding the Bull
Human Factor
At the Bank of England, we have the ability to mess things up - and our record shows that we have often used it.
Pennant-Rea, Rupert; former deputy governor, Bank of England
They had been happily trading and then their screens went blank. No managers were around to ask. And they literally had to wait until they were summoned to human resources, told their fate and asked to clear their desks.
JP Morgan banker after the sacking in London of 100 JP Morgan staff.
Eureka !
Euroclear !
Edwardes, Warren
It's just as sure a recipe for failure to have the right idea fifty years too soon as five years too late. 
Platt, J R
When a management with a reputation for brilliance tackles a business with a reputation for poor fundamental economics, it is the reputation of the business that remains intact.
Buffett, Warren
You should invest in a company that even a fool can run, because someday a fool will. 
Buffett, Warren 
A Marketing Officer is a Salesman who can't close.
Edwardes, Warren
Mergers & Acquisitions
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won' get much sleep.
Woody, Allen
No-one would remember the good samaritan if he'd only had good intentions. He had money as well.
Thatcher, Margaret
Influence is like a savings account; the less you use it, the more you've got it.
Young, Andrew
Planning & Direction
If it ain't broke, don't fix it - unless you are a Consultant.
Rossiter, William G.
Retail Banking
It (new Bui lding Society members receiving cash payments from an acquisitive bank) is akin to joining a tennis club and voting to sell the ground underneath to a developer. 
Kirkham, Donald, ceo Woolwich
Risk Management
A lorry arrives at a bridge. There is a sign fallen on the ground: 'Low Bridge - 4 Metres max. headroom'. The driver says to the co-driver: 'Let's make a run for it. There's nobody around'. Position limits often have a purpose.
Edwardes, Warren
The two leading recipes for success are building a better mousetrap and finding a bigger loophole.
Schoaff, Edgar A. 
It may be possible to build a cricket-playing robot, but we don't think we can equip it with the batting skills and knowledge of Don Bradman. - though building something with just the competence of an average member of the present English national cricket team may be another matter.
Campbell, John; Computing professor
It (proprietary trading by banks) is not a casisno, like a dog-track or the national lottery. It is an activity that involves risks, which ought to be properly controlled.
George, Eddie; governor, Bank of England

   Guest Submissions

One of my favourite quotes (because I'm geeky and into the whole Net thing) was from John Perry Barlow. Many people have tried to describe what 'cyberspace' is. He put it fairly succintly: cyberspace is where your money is.

Stephen Eckett   se@numa.com Numa Financial Systems Ltd

Last updated on 26 October 2005

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